‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
send me a character
Dean Winchester: 5 Things you dislike most about yourself?
Sam Winchester: If you could do anything for a living what would it be?
The Doctor: Have you ever sacrificed something you loved for the greater good?
Harry Potter: Do people have high expectations of you?
Sherlock: Are you an intellectual person?
John Watson: Are you an overprotective friend?
Amy Pond: Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
Jack Harkness: Are you a flirt?
Castiel: Are you a generally rebellious person?
Steve Rogers: Do you ever feel like you miss out on alot?
Katniss Everdeen: Does family mean alot to you?
Tony Stark: 5 Favourite things about yourself?
Natasha: Are you a manipulative person?
Nick Fury: Are you the kind of person who takes charge?
Bruce Banner: Have you ever hated parts of yourself to a great extent?
Thor: Are you an arrogant person sometimes?
Loki: Are you a jealous person?

satans-fabulous-blog:

morphingly:

brightredkettle:

are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes

with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks

That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.

grimdarkthroes:

no spaghetti straps- BOYS WILL BE DISTRACTED!!

no tight pants- BOYS CAN’T FOCUS!

no shorts- BOYS WON’T BE ABLE TO LEARRRRRRN!

Jesus christ if a woman’s body is so fucking distracting maybe we need to figure out a way to teach boys to focus in the face of- gasp- exposed skin!